Two weeks ago, Sgt. Zachary Tellier took a shower for the first time in a month. He'd spent eight months with the Army in Afghanistan, and it had begun to wear him out. He felt exhausted after sleeping on the ground, the sound of gunfire or mortars interrupting the few hours he had to bed down. The heat was intense - he burned his ear each time he used communications equipment in his Humvee. And he sometimes wondered if a company of soldiers could hold areas of the country that a larger force of Russian troops had failed to do two decades earlier.

Beyond the fatigue and frustration, Tellier was torn between two powerful feelings: He loved what he was doing, and he missed his wife, Sara.

"As I was stripping my funky clothes yesterday before my shower, I realized I've never felt more alive, more satisfied with what I'm doing," he wrote in a Sept. 14 blog post. "I also feel . . . an aching desire to see Sara again. I miss her so much and she's all I think about. I feel guilty for putting her through all this, and I hope she sticks with me after it's over."

Tellier, 31, a Manchester West High School graduate, was killed by enemy fire in Afghanistan on Saturday. Two months earlier, he had pulled two fellow soldiers from a burning Humvee, severely burning his hands in the process. He was awarded a Bronze Star for valor.

Tellier lived most recently in Charlotte, N.C., not far from the Fort Bragg base of his unit, 4th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team of the 82nd Airborne Division.

Tellier attended Bedford schools beginning in fourth grade, and he considered New England his home, said his father, David Tellier of Groton, Mass.

Throughout his life, Tellier pursued an eclectic array of jobs and hobbies. He played drums in a high school band, helped produce segments for Manchester Community Television and taught German to children, said his mother, Pamela Morse of Falmouth, Mass. He played rugby and studied communications and world history at American University in Washington, D.C., and worked as a carpenter after graduation.

Tellier filled notebooks with short- and long-term goals, and he checked them often to make sure he stayed on course, Morse said. His perfectionism, which helped him advance quickly in the Army, hindered his ability to make a living at carpentry, she said. He spent a great deal of time with each job and undercharged people for the labor, Morse said.

Two years ago, Tellier told his parents that he wanted to join the Army.

"If he had been real young, like 19, I would've worked like hell to talk him out of it," Morse said. "I knew that he was mature enough to make this decision for himself."

She added, "He wanted to be an infantryman; he wanted to fight."

Tellier left for Afghanistan in January. In April, his parents received word that he had been injured.

During a patrol, one of the vehicles in the convoy hit a roadside bomb. Tellier rescued two paratroopers, including Spc. Larry Spray.

"He was the only one who could calm me down," Spray said in the statement released by the 82nd Airborne.

After Tellier pulled the men from the vehicle, he jumped into the turret and began firing.

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