As supporters and opponents of gay marriage looked expectantly at the scoreboard on the wall of the New Hampshire House chamber, waiting to see whether a same-sex marriage bill had passed or failed on Thursday, Rep. William Johnson said a silent prayer.

Johnson, a Gilford Democrat, was torn: Citing religion and family traditions, he started out opposed to same-sex marriage. But, he said, he believes that the state should offer equal rights to its citizens, and he was moved by the "poignant" personal stories House members told about their own families. When the final bill went to a vote, he was undecided.

"I sat there, and I still agonized. I didn't push the red (no) button until the very last minute," Johnson said. The first vote flashed on the screen: 183-182. The gay marriage bill failed.

A few minutes later, on a reconsideration vote, Johnson was one of a half-dozen representatives to change his mind, allowing gay marriage to pass by a seven-vote margin of 186-179. He didn't feel pressure from leaders, he said. He felt pressure from "my gut, and that's the only place." Not long after the vote, he left the hall, drained.

The Democratic majority in the House had a breathtaking week, passing bills that would permit gay marriage, repeal the death penalty, and allow seriously ill people to legally grow and possess marijuana. Many exulted at the victories. Spectators gasped and cried.

But for some individual Democratic lawmakers, particularly those who fall on the moderate-to-conservative side and those from redder districts, it was a difficult week.

Gov. John Lynch, a centrist Democrat whose desk is the final stop for all bills, hasn't had an easy pass. So far, he's announced what he'll do on just one of the week's three major bills: He's said he will veto any attempt to repeal the death penalty. On the other issues, he said he's against same-sex marriage - though he stopped short of a veto threat - and expressed "serious concerns" about the medicinal marijuana bill.

Both parties have always had their splits, particularly on so-called conscience issues. Rep. Laurie Harding, a Democrat from the Upper Valley, one of the state's most liberal areas, said the ideological variations across the state have brought to light differences in the Democratic Party that may have previously been less stark. Underscoring those differences, Harding said, was the House's willingness to push for changes that Lynch opposes - such as repealing the death penalty - or that he has avoided taking a firm stance on - such as medical marijuana.

"Some of the things at the top of Democrats' list we actually have a chance to pass, whereas in the past we never could have dreamed of even voting on those. And it's creating a lot of interesting tensions," Harding said. "It's very challenging for the party right now. There's a real commitment to the governor, but when you don't philosophically agree, what do you do?"

At the other end of the ideological spectrum, some Democrats voiced frustration that social issues even made the agenda last week. Rep. Tom Buco, a conservative Conway Democrat, voted against the death penalty repeal and gay marriage; he voted for medicinal marijuana. Buco, a member of the Finance Committee, said he'd rather spend the time on the budget.

"When I saw this agenda I said, 'What is this?' This is not the Democratic Party that I grew up with," he said.

When Buco first ran in 2004 to join a minority Democratic Party in the State House, it would have been hard to predict many of the votes he faced last week, except for the death penalty. Two years later, his party was in the majority.

"Marriage has been defined for thousands of years," he said. "Why are you asking me to change the definition?"

For Rep. Cindy Rosenwald, a Nashua Democrat in House leadership, same-sex marriage was a challenge for a different reason. Rosenwald voted against the same-sex marriage bill, even though she thinks gays and lesbians should be allowed to marry. Her reason: Voters in her district, though Democratic, tend to lean toward the conservative side on social issues.

"I felt like I had to represent my district," she said. "I walk every street in my district, and I know everybody in my district, and I think I have a sense of what they're like."

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