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Baggage Check: Separation anxiety; when Romeo can’t take a hint

Q: My partner of 13 years and I have been in counseling together for two years because of trust issues on her part, my tendency to put work before home, and anger issues with both of us. We make progress and then the fighting starts again.

Honestly, I am starting to think about separation. But I know that I might regret that immensely.

Either way, I feel like the counseling isn’t helping, and I don’t know where to go from here.

A: Consider seeing someone on your own. And, no, it shouldn’t be the same therapist. You need someone fresh who can focus on your perspective.

You’re right in that breaking up might come with regrets. But so, too, may living out a life that’s filled with a stress-inducing, unstable relationship.

I know you might be all therapy-ed out. So dig deep – write, read, think, talk to friends, listen to music, get to know yourself better as an individual, and what you really want out of your life, and whether you truly see it involving your partner.

(Andrea Bonior, a clinical psychologist, is author of “The Friendship Fix.” For more information, see You can also follow her on Twitter @drandreabonior.)

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