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Benefits without commitment?

Q: For two years, I’ve been “friends with benefits” with a woman. We’ve dated other people, but keep coming back to each other.

When I say I want to date her, however, she freaks out and says she doesn’t want that.

Just as I decided I was wasting my time, I was hanging out with her and ended up having to go to the ER. She came with me and was so comforting and even got in bed with me while waiting for the doctor. I’m so confused.

A: She might view you as the love of her life, a perfect specimen worthy of his own wing in a museum, but if she doesn’t want a commitment, then that problem will always take precedence.

Whether her reasons are about you, her or both, she is not willing or able to “date” you aside from some hospital TLC. So, how long are you willing to be miserable? I think after two years, it’s time for you to get space and work on building a life outside of her.

(Andrea Bonior, a Washington-area clinical psychologist is author of “The Friendship Fix.” For more information, see You can also follow her on Twitter: @drandreabonior.)

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