Editorial: Some tips for snow-shoveling novices
After a couple decades of shoveling out after winter storms, it’s high time we shared some expert advice. Yes, we might have included this helpful list before Sunday’s heavy, wet mess, but live and learn. Save these handy tips for the next one!
1. If I’m not sore today from yesterday’s shoveling, does that mean I won’t be sore tomorrow? Hah! No.
2. If I take Advil before shoveling, can I avoid a post-shoveling backache? See Answer 1.
3. Whatever happened to that enterprising young man who used to come around and shovel our walk? Blame college (and perhaps chintzy tips).
4. Is it better to (A) keep up with the snow all day or (B) wait for the storm to end and do one big shovel? Trick question. Plan A ruins your whole day. But Plan B is fraught with its own peril; after all, how can you be sure it’s over?
5. Faced with a long, skinny driveway, is it better to shovel millions of short rows or a handful of long ones? Short rows! It makes you feel like you’re accomplishing something. Eventually.
6. Just because my neighbors are out shoveling at the crack of dawn, does that mean I should be too? No! That snow’s not going anywhere. Sleep and a hearty breakfast will help.
7. How critical is it to shovel heavy snow off the roof? Well, here’s one theory that turns out to be false: This roof hasn’t buckled or leaked in eons – why should this storm be any different?
8. Is there a principled reason to eschew the snowblower? Yes. But honestly we can’t recall.
9. If the plow passes my house and does not leave a wall of snow at the end of my driveway, can I assume the driver has finally developed a more humane technique? No. Just wait a minute or two. He’s coming back.
10. If it’s warm out, how can it still be #@#%& snowing? Don’t think too hard. Just keep shoveling.