Having trouble with the swing set

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Q: My fiance and I are friends with a couple. Lately, they’ve been hinting that they want to get intimate with us. Yes, in that way. At first I thought they were kidding, but they have persisted, and it doesn’t seem like a joke anymore. My fiance says just to ignore them, but I want to make it clear we are not interested because it is weirding me out. But I don’t know how to bring it up.

A: If they bring it up again, you have to straddle that line between being so harsh that the friendship will be in jeopardy and being so pleasantly polite that they think you’re simply acting coy and are about to recommend everyone putting on a nightie.

As the topic is hanging in the air, give a friendly but blank stare with slightly raised eyebrows and say, “I notice you keep bringing this up. If you’re not joking about it, I do need you to know that we’re truly not interested,” and then make a pleasant change of subject. If either of you are particularly close to one of the pair, you can also save it for a private conversation where you reveal the additional piece that it’s making you uncomfortable.

(Andrea Bonior, a Washington-area clinical psychologist, is author of “The Friendship Fix.” For more information, visit
drandreabonior.com. You can also follow her on Twitter
@drandreabonior.)