My Turn: Welcome to the ‘Chill Out and Get Wasted’ State
I guess we are now moving into the age of legalized marijuana. Our array of legal booze and prescription drugs is apparently not enough to leave our citizens sufficiently wasted.
The enthusiasm with which some of our legislators have embraced this possible development explains a lot about what has been going on down at the State House for the past decade. Perhaps they are hoping that by legalizing this stuff, our citizens won’t find it so painful to read about legislative sessions that range from the bizarre to the unexplainable.
Does it provide a sufficient excuse the day after they approve some weird new bill like a casino in Berlin, if they can say they just had a few too many tokes that day in the backrooms of the Legislative Office Building?
A column in the April 13 Monitor told us what a great revenue source this stuff would be. Think of the taxes we could collect at our newly renamed State “Get Wasted” Stores. We could get the tourists hooked while they were still on the highways. And as more of our citizens drifted off into the haze, this would help offset declining cigarette taxes.
The Legislature might also feel a lot less pressure to do something intelligent since much of the population might join them in “Cheech and Chong Land” and no longer object to plans to build wind farms on Mount Washington, methane processing plants at the Manchester landfill (as well as one particular stall at Core Fitness), or a new casino in every town, run by the post office.
This last idea would be a cooperative effort in which we would split the profits with the postal service, which is almost as desperate for new revenue as we are.
Be honest now, you have no idea whether the above proposals are real or I’m just making them up. When you think of the Legislature, there actually is a need for some kind of mood-altering drug.
Once we get firmly aboard the marijuana train and the new revenue is just pouring in, we could proceed with some of our other schemes that were thwarted by lack of money.
We could finally build that commuter rail line between Claremont and Berlin. This would open vast new opportunities for our northern residents and would allow us to expedite the influx of refugees to Coos County. The benefits would be enormous. All that cheap housing would finally get used, and with lots of Mary Jane to ease the refugees’ pain, the need to find jobs would be less pressing, especially with the influx of revenue from welfare checks. Claremont would also be helped enormously as it would become a gateway city to the north and allow all those rich gamblers from that area to reach the Berlin casino more easily.
We also will be setting ourselves up for future endeavors as the pressure builds to legalize cocaine, crack, heroin and peyote. We might even be able to persuade Coca Cola to put the coke back in Coke and allow us to be the sole vendors. That could be a huge money maker.
I must admit that I am a little concerned about having all these toked up drivers on our roads.
But what the heck, we are already besieged by texters, drunks, cell phone talkers and a growing level of general incompetence. There is hardly anyone on the roads besides you and me who isn’t already totally screwed up. Maybe a little mj would help.
In the future, instead of a fender-bender leading to a shoot-out, we might see the protagonists just get together and chill out over a smoke or some hash brownies.
Ultimately, this new trip into marijuana land might also make it easier to change our state motto. Let’s face it, for a tourist state, “Live Free or Die” is a downer. We already know the “Live Free” part is a lost cause in this country, which leaves us with what?
How about “Chill Out and Get Wasted” for a new code to live by?
That ought to bring the tourists flocking, and keep the politicians happy.
(Glenn K. Currie lives in Concord.)