Rooting against MAGA Patriots only way to save America

Published: 2/2/2019 8:32:15 PM
Modified: 2/2/2019 8:32:04 PM
MAGAPATS.jpgPatriot Americans will be rooting against the Patriots in Super Bowl LIII.
ATLANTA — While fans from Los Angeles and New England already know whom they’ll be supporting in Super Bowl LIII, the rest of the country has a weighty decision: Root for the Rams or against America.
The Patriots remain the life force for President Trump and the MAGA movement, a despicable squad of 53 men, all of whom feel exactly the same way about everything. Without question, the success of Donald J. Trump’s agenda rests not in the hands of the House, the Senate or the Courts. No. If the Patriots win Super Bowl LIII, the wall is going up and your health care is coming down.
It’s that simple.
Sure, you may think Tom Brady is a swell guy who’s won a lot of games and looks handsome in pictures, but guess what? He’s the super-secret public spokesman for white nationalism. How do we know this? Because in 2015, when it still seemed like Trump’s candidacy was a joke and a ploy to sell steak and neckties made in China, Brady had a “Make America Great Again” hat in his locker for about five minutes. See that? He was a supporter before anyone was even saying “MAGA,” in acronym form and long before actual President Trump stuck up for neo Nazis in Charlottesville.
“The whole world’s rooting against the Patriots,” said no less an authority on football and politics than Daniel Radcliffe, a man who became famous for playing a boy wizard in the movies.
And it makes sense that they would. Because the Patriots’ uniform embracement of xenophobic populism starts at the top with owner Robert Kraft and head coach Bill Belichick. Kraft may seem like a guy who has donated many times over to Democratic candidates, but he obviously hates the free press and safe spaces because his company donated $1 million to Trump’s inaugural committee after the election, which probably helped Trump beat Hillary Clinton somehow.
Belichick, of course, endorsed Trump the night before the 2016 election in a letter directed at New Hampshire voters as Trump skated to a very convincing near-victory in that state, almost taking four electoral votes that would have made no material difference in the outcome of the election. Therefore, we can assume that Belichick is heavily invested in each tenet of Trump’s political agenda — especially the racial parts — because he did a favor for a wealthy friend.
And the fact of the matter is, you can’t talk about the political symbology of football teams without acknowledging that the Red Sox had a racist owner 50 years ago. Or that Boston is a notoriously racist city and let the point rest there because it deserves no further exploration. And of course shaming the fanbase of the Patriots because of legitimate racial issues in that city is the most surefire solution to fixing those issues. Because none of this involves deeply embedded cultural tensions and all of it can be solved by routinely making Boston feel so bad that many residents find it preferable to believe the problems do not exist, because, hey, they elected Liz Warren, right?
“We’re still here!” they chant in unison over and over, as one might do with a tiki torch in case the implication of that imagery was not clear. “The Rams will not replace us!” they might have said probably.
It’s too bad the nation is forced to watch Team MAGA from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, where 33 percent of voters pulled the lever for Donald Trump on election day in 2016. Why can’t we have another super-woke team like the Eagles from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, where 47 percent of voters chose Clinton?
Honestly, Barstool, people. Barstool. Toxic masculinity. Etc. No examples, because the word “Barstool” is just an entire argument now and we only have to communicate complex, layered societal debate through a series of superficial tokens without ever actually talking with each other, but always talking at each other.
The conclusion is clear: If you’re rooting for the Patriots, you won’t be happy until America is comprised exclusively of sweaty, white, straight, cisgender, Christian, billionaire men. Are you a million percent sure that’s OK?
Dave Brown is a freelance correspondent who covers the Patriots for the Monitor. You can follow him on Twitter @ThatDaveBrown.

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