The Donald Trump IQ Test

Thursday, October 12, 2017

In the wake of reports that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson referred to President Donald Trump as a moron, and Trump’s subsequent claims that he would rock Tillerson’s world on an IQ test, we asked the president to put his money where his mouth is (no we didn’t). He took us up on the challenge (fake news), but only if he we agreed to use the test created by his very smart, very intelligent, very fair panel of experts. This is what he sent us (more fake news from the failing Concord Monitor):

1.Which one of the five is least like the other four?

a) Circle

b) Square

c) Triangle

d) Rectangle

e) Ketchup

2. Donald’s son Eric is thinking of a number between 3 and 2 bajillion. What is it?

a) 1

b) 2

c) One hundred million

d) One thousand million

e) One bajillion

3. Which one of the five choices makes the best comparison? Apple is to pineapple as cucumber is to:

a) Squash

b) Helicopter

c) Hotel

d) TV

e) Pinecucumber

4. Svetlana, who is 24 years old, is four times as old as her brother. How old will Svetlana be in exactly 12 months, when her brother is some other age?

a) 1

b) 6

c) 15

d) None of the above

e) One of the below

f) 24

g) 25

h) 26

5. Very unpopular science fiction author Stephen Hawking once said that “people who boast about their IQ are losers.” If you multiplied the number of supermodels Hawking has dated by how many hit television shows he has had, it would equal the number of times Crooked Hillary was elected president. True or false?

a) So true it’s funny and, to be honest, a little sad.

b) False

6. Many, many people in the music industry are saying that Eminem is a failed rap person with extremely weak album sales.

7. Donald is traveling on a train from New York City to Washington, D.C., a distance of 226 miles, at an average speed of 53 mph. If a very attractive female genie boarded the train outside of Philadelphia and granted Donald three wishes, what would his third wish be (which all the experts agree nobody else has ever thought of)?

a) A slice of chocolate cake

b) Room-temperature strawberry Gogurt

c) Meatloaf

d) Two slices of chocolate cake

e) Three more wishes

8. Which one of the five choices makes the best comparison? Foot is to sock as hand is to:

a) Pinky finger

b) Middle finger

c) Index finger

d) Thumb finger

e) Very huge gloves

9. If you rearranged the letters “Rokcet Nam,” you would have an incredibly funny and clever nickname for a:

a) Potato

b) Light switch

c) Stapler

d) Burrito

e) Foreign nerd

10. The 45th president of the United States, Donald J. Trump, has 40.4 million hard-working, patriotic, non-Russian followers on Twitter, including many blacks, Hispanics and beautiful women who love him very, very much and think he’s doing a terrific job, the best job of anyone they’ve ever seen. Washed-up recreation league basketball player Barack Obama has 95.8 million followers. How many of Obama’s followers are illegal immigrants, members of ISIS or Harvey Weinstein?


1) e, 2) e, 3) e,

4) e, 5) a, 6) Loser,

7) e, 8) e, 9) e,

10) At least 55.5 million