Scott Ruggles has taken a worn-out philosophy and turned it upside down.
He doesn’t sweat the big stuff, like raising five children alone while teaching and coaching at Tilton School. Or running for political office for the first time and topping a field of seven candidates on Election Day to earn a spot on the Select Board.
Instead, Ruggles sweats the small stuff, like when one of his kids leaves a dirty dinner plate in the sink. That bugs him.
“I’ve never gotten to the point of exploding,” Ruggles said. “Except when they don’t load the dishwasher. It’s 12 inches from the sink, and they put (the plate) down and they leave.”
Ruggles, of course, worried plenty over the daunting task he faced: single dad, five kids, full custody. But his humor – emphasizing the importance of mundane life over his stressful, real-life problems, plus calling his kids “knuckleheads” when they strayed off track – has served Ruggles well.
These days, now that his two oldest children are off to college, he’s got a little more time to himself, room to breathe, and that’s why running for the Select Board seemed like a good idea. Leave the stressful stuff like dish duty at home.
Instead, go out and mix with voters, show them the leaderships skills you’ve acquired through stressful circumstances.
“After the initial anger and discontent and sadness of being divorced, I began to see it as a learning experience,” Ruggles said. “If there was a problem, I’d handle it, and that mindset comes from what I dealt with in those early years.”
He believes his New England work ethic and chameleon-like ability to adjust quickly to anything – sans dishes in the sink – give him the right stuff.
“I sit back now,” Ruggles said, “and realize how much stronger it’s made me.”
He remains pressed for time. He’s chair of the Tilton School Social Science Department and he coaches soccer and baseball. He teaches ancient world history, civics and current events, and advanced U.S. government and politics.
He still has three teens at home, which is on school campus. But it’s different now. Far easier than it used to be. Far easier.
“It was certainly more chaotic at that time,” Ruggles said. “I definitely was questioning if I could do this or not. How will I handle all of this?”
He cried alone in his room. He credited his tough New England roots, grown in Massachusetts and the Granite State, with helping him get by. He mentioned he was a busboy at 12 or 13.
His slice of life reads like something from Lifetime Movie Network, or maybe a sitcom on cable.
Picture the scenario, starting 10 years ago, after Ruggles’s ex-wife left the scene due to personal reasons. His youngest child at the time was 20-month-old Abby. She rode in the shopping cart at the grocery store.
The other four children – ages 10, 8, 6 and 3 – moved alongside or behind the pack, in a process that took time to map out. A grocery store plan, made in advance. The all-important list, delegating responsibility. More familiarity with those endless aisles.
Someone would read the list, one item at a time. A child would be assigned to pasta detail, another would hunt for a jar of pickles, and still another might search for hamburgers.
“Later, we were well organized, and they knew if they behaved we would get home earlier and there would be more time to play,” Ruggles said. “Honestly, it came down to consistency. I had been a teacher for seven years before I had my first child.”
He was alone, coordinating schedules for sports and school and life, filling out paperwork, shopping, cooking, cleaning, loving.
One way he did it was through a little help from his friends, something proud people like Ruggles often have trouble doing.
“A number of friends on campus, they’d pick up my kids from school if class ran late or we had a soccer game in Maine,” Ruggles said. “A good core of friends helped me, but only after I learned to ask for help.”
The roughest part of his new life during those early years? Mornings, of course. The vintage kitchen scene, showing an American family bumping into each other, searching for a way to squeeze in family time while eager to get out the door.
“It was getting them ready in the morning, ready for school, daycare, and all that stuff that was hard,” Ruggles said. “There also had to be an understanding, a way to figure out how to give them the individual attention they needed.”
Ella Ruggles is in ninth-grade at Tilton School. She’s the second youngest at 14. Her father said she acted more like 35, and he was right. She was 3 when her father embarked on this journey. She noticed things when she got older.
“He had friends and grandparents to help,” Ella said. “But raising five children and three girls by himself, raising three girls was especially hard for him.”
Ella is home with Hiler, 16 and Abby, 13. Katie, 21, and Logan, 18, attend Hobart and William Smith College in New York State. Ella, although young at the time, saw the wear and tear on her father’s face.
“You could tell by seeing him at the end of the week,” Ella said. “Now I’m realizing he was going through so much, and sometimes we were financially struggling, and mentally it got to him as well. He appeared exhausted by end of the week.”
Life is simple now. Or simpler. Fewer children at home. No more babies. A lot more experience.
Just the other night, Ruggles said proudly, he cooked New York strip steak, homemade mac and cheese and Brussels sprouts with parmesan cheese and bacon.
“He’s good on the grill,” Ella said.
Let’s hope she and her siblings helped load the dishwasher afterward. Her dad sweats the small stuff.
“There’s no handbook for raising five kids,” Ruggles said. “It’s been a challenging but wonderful experience.”