Could you have ever imagined a day when a president of the United States would use trite, crude, insulting epithets against adversaries, similar to the jeering used by sixth grade children to tease one another? President Trump’s insults and name calling are not only a desecration of the Office of the President, but also expose a lack of imagination, language skill and polite discourse. In the language of Shakespeare, the president reveals himself as “a sodden-witted lord.”
I am tired of listening to and reading his fumbling efforts to establish his superiority with mordacious insults. The press secretary is spewing nonsense when she defends the President’s mean spiritedness and lack of empathy, “I think the president being frank and open and honest to your faces rather than hiding behind your backs is, frankly, a lot more respectful than what you saw in the last administration.” I would note that President Trump’s “honesty” serves only to reveal an oafish mind. Self-satisfying verbal attacks are not the standard for “honesty” from the Office of the President. Even honesty should be respectful of others.
However, rather than despairing over the conduct of our president, I’ve decided to compare the callousness and dullness of the president’s insults with the word skills of William Shakespeare. I know we cannot expect the president, or most of us, to have Shakespeare’s way with words. But we can note the modicum of humor embedded in the insults he writes for his plays. A hint of humor blunts the sting of mean spiritedness — a lesson for the president when he describes the people he feels are against him. So, here we go.
Trump described a journalist as “a third-rate reporter who is ugly, both inside and out.” Shakespeare has written, “Thou lump of foul deformity.” Both are insults, but only one contains a chuckle by using an unexpected image.
Trump identifies a legislator as “one of the dumbest & most disloyal men in Congress … A total loser!” Shakespeare might have offered, “Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.” The latter might invite a smile and a humorous retort.
Or, consider an alternative to calling a governor “a low-IQ person” and “a fat slob”: “Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!” The first is mundane and simplistic. The second gets the point across and invites playfulness.
President Trump once called Jimmy Kimmel, a “man with no talent” and a “bum.” In Shakespearian language, consistent with Kimmel’s humor, President Trump might have said, “You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee! -you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!” This would have given satisfaction to President Trump, and perhaps the humor would have given Kimmel an opening for a response as well as avoiding the threat to Kimmel’s employment.
There are also dozens of examples of President Trump using insulting nicknames. They reek with insults but lack any hint of cleverness or humor. For example, the common nickname, “birdbrain.” It might be more interesting and innovated to substitute Shakespeare’s words, “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.” Or, try out exchanging the President’s “Broken Old Crow ” with the words, “You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!”
As much fun as it may be to create clever insults, there is a caveat. Inventive insults should never be a substitute for civil compassionate criticism and efforts to solve solutions together. Clever humorous insights into character flaws and failed conduct should be left to the late-night comedians. Meanwhile, President Trump, as long as you continue to display a meanspirited attitude of self-aggrandizement using banal platitudes, I shall cling to Shakespeare’s words, “There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.”
John Buttrick writes from his Vermont Folk Rocker in his Concord home, Minds Crossing. He can be reached at johndbuttrick@gmail.com.