The possibilities are limitless. The Trump administration renamed the United States Institute of Peace the Donald J. Trump United States Institute of Peace only months after having forcibly seized the building and sacked its employees.
More recently, Trump’s hand-picked board of directors for the Kennedy Center voted to rename Washington’s premier cultural institution the Donald J. Trump and John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts, apparently neglecting to consider that the word “memorial” suggests that someone is deceased.
Trump declared himself both “surprised” and “honored” by the gesture, and the “Donald J. Trump” letters — obviously there’s a supply of them in a warehouse somewhere — were added to the Kennedy Center façade the following morning.
“This was brought up by one of the very distinguished board members,” Trump said, “and they voted on it, and there’s a lot of board members, and they voted unanimously.”
Well, maybe not quite unanimous. Joyce Beatty, a member of Congress from Ohio and ex officio member of the Kennedy Center board, was on the call and tried to express her reservations. “Each time I tried to speak,” she said, “I was muted.” Beatty has since filed suit to reverse the name change.
Nevertheless, Karoline Leavitt, the White House press secretary, joined the chorus of adulation. “Congratulations to President Donald J. Trump, and likewise, congratulations to President Kennedy, because this will be a truly great team long into the future,” she declared. “This building will no doubt attain new levels of success and grandeur.”
No comment as yet from President Kennedy about his new teammate.
The nation may be hurting economically, and Trump’s tariffs may have disrupted the supply chain, but there is no shortage of grandiosity or sycophancy in Washington. Trump’s acolytes in Congress want to place his name on U.S. currency, and they have introduced a bill to carve his visage into Mount Rushmore. Five days after Trump’s second inauguration, Addison McDowell of North Carolina introduced legislation to rename Washington Dulles International Airport the Donald J. Trump International Airport.
And this raises the question of what else might be renamed to honor Dear Leader. The possibilities are virtually limitless.
On the basis of recent rulings, we now have the Donald J. Trump Supreme Court, so we should probably contact the warehouse and tack his name above Lady Justice.
It might be a tad far-fetched to rename the planet for Trump, as one member of Congress has suggested, apparently (I hope) tongue-in-cheek. “Why do all of this Trump glorification in a piecemeal manner? Why not cut to the chase?” Jared Huffman of California asked his colleagues. “I am proposing that we rename the entire planet ‘Trump.’ ”
The Department of Defense is proposing a new class of battleships named for Trump. That’s appropriate, I suppose — Trump has always been adept at destruction, whether it be his marriages or casinos or the rule of law or, well, the Rose Garden or the East Wing of the White House. And if anyone doubts that Trump will place his name in gaudy gold letters on the new ballroom, now projected to cost $400 million, as George Strait says, I’ve got some oceanfront property in Arizona.
What else can we name for Trump? Given the Epstein files, it might be awkward to name juvenile detention centers for Dear Leader, but what about prisons? The federal maximum-security prison in Colorado is known as “Supermax.” Why not the Donald J. Trump Supermax Prison?
Who knows, if the Justice Department ever manages to claw back its credibility, Trump himself might someday reside there, and we all know that he prefers to stay in places emblazoned with his name. And I’m willing to bet that a new administration wouldn’t object if he took some of the gilded filigree from the Oval Office to dress the place up a bit.
Renaming things in honor of Dear Leader need not be limited to the federal government. Local jurisdictions can join in as well. One obvious move would be to rename the Orange Bowl the Trump Bowl.
Beyond that, I propose we start with wastewater treatment facilities. How about reflagging the Hall Street Wastewater Treatment Plant the Donald J. Trump Wastewater Treatment Plant?
Renaming the Concord Transfer Station for a president would surely boost its status. True, we know that Dear Leader is not big on recycling, but this would give us an opportunity to see if vanity trumps ideology.
Meanwhile, some spoilsports back in Congress are trying to ruin the fun. April McClain Delaney of Maryland and Bernie Sanders of Vermont have introduced legislation to prohibit the naming of federal entities after sitting presidents.
What a shame. Should they succeed, we can say goodbye to the Donald J. Trump Nuclear Waste Repository.
Randall Balmer is the author of “America’s Best Idea: The Separation of Church and
State.”