Among the White Mountains, beyond the rivers and lakes, and deep within the tall pines and birch trees that define New Hampshire’s beauty, there lies a sound of silence. But this silence is not the peaceful kind that comes with nature — it is the silence of hundreds of children who were sent to the Youth Development Center and suffered unimaginable abuse.
For decades — from the late 1970s to the early 2000s, and possibly beyond — the state of New Hampshire operated facilities where children were supposed to receive guidance and rehabilitation. Instead, many of us experienced physical, sexual and emotional abuse. There have since been lawsuits, trials and arrests of former staff, yet few people e truly know the full story. Even now, the silence continues.
My name is Ryan Gilfillan, and I am a survivor of this abuse. I am 45 years old and from New Hampshire. As a child, I was sent to the YDC in Manchester after being deemed a “delinquent” by the courts. I was scared, young and in need of support and understanding. What I received instead was cruelty, violence and humiliation.
I was placed in East Cottage, the classification unit, and later sent to the maximum-security cottage. I was physically assaulted and mentally tortured by staff who were supposed to protect me. I had no voice, no understanding of why this was happening and no way to stop it. The shame, fear and confusion I felt followed me into adulthood. I believe this was the beginning of my lifelong struggle with addiction and the feeling of being permanently institutionalized.
While I take responsibility for my actions as an adult, I will never accept responsibility for what was done to to me as a child in state custody. The individuals who committed these crimes — and the system that allowed them — must be held accountable.
This is not just my story; it is the story of thousands of others who were silenced.
The state of New Hampshire has failed to acknowledge the full extent of the harm
done. Offering money for years of trauma does not equate to accountability, healing or justice.
As victims, we should be heard and treated with dignity and respect. The state must recognize that these abuses were systemic, that they were known and that action was not taken to protect us.
Additionally, I am deeply concerned about recent developments in the YDC settlement fund. As of March 6, Gov. Kelly Ayotte appointed a new administrator to oversee compensation for survivors. In my opinion, this is a conflict of interest. A person affiliated with the state — the same entity that allowed this abuse — should not determine the value of our suffering. Victims were promised a neutral administrator, and this appointment violates that promise.
This decision is another example of how victims are being silenced. We had no voice in this process. We deserve transparency and fairness in how justice and compensation are decided.
I am asking for help — help that does not side with the state, but stands with the victims. My goal is simple: accountability for those who abused us and for the system that protected them. Survivors deserve to be heard, believed and treated with the humanity that was denied to us as children. The silence must end.
Ryan Gilfillan lives in Concord.