In Spotlight, Michael Keaton captures the cognitive dissonance of a truth-teller who knew but did not know about the child molestations within the Boston Archdiocese.
Now, those connected to some of the nation’s most prestigious private schools are enmeshed in a similar nightmare including the likes of St. Paul’s, St. George’s and now Phillips Exeter Academy.
Given the prevalence, it seems that their model for student/teacher relations is fundamentally flawed.
I returned to serve on the faculty of my alma mater, Exeter, in the early 1990s. Traditionally, the “Old School” experience was a sink-or-swim for both students and teachers. I was 30 and single. There were few opportunities to meet potential mates, much less time for dating. This was not sustainable.
Though clear in my head and heart that students were off-limits, what to do when the mind strayed in that direction? Healthy teachers told on themselves to colleagues to make the thoughts dissipate. I somehow managed to maintain healthy boundaries with only such informal support.
Then, sexuality was treated as a problematic distraction best ignored. Obviously, such repression wasn’t workable. How better to handle the all-too-human charge that sometimes sparks in teacher-student dynamics?
What makes boarding school special is the intimacy of the experience. Here, teachers are like counselors. As such, they encounter transference, the attraction that often arises in the therapeutic setting.
What does this look like in the classroom?
A colleague told me of an encounter with a troubled student. She waited till everyone else cleared out of class, presumably to ask questions about the reading. Alone, she crept up on him. Suddenly she was rubbing up against her teacher.
“Here, most inexperienced teachers freak out and overreact,” he explained. “When they do that, they inadvertently shame the student, reinforce the problem and lose any chance to make use of this opportunity.”
What did he do instead?
“I said, quite calmly, ‘Gee, we’re here discussing this book, and I don’t understand what your breasts have to do with it.’ ”
At that, she pulled back and saw what she had done was inappropriate. This opened the door for reflection about her boundaries – or lack thereof. As it turned out, boarding school was her escape from a sexually abusive household. Rather than replicate this, my colleague helped her confront it.
Such opportunities come with risks. Because transference can cut both ways, therapists must be closely supported. Without this, even the best can breach professional ethics, violate trust and harm clients.
Student/teacher interactions share the same pitfalls. How to better prevent this? Apply the best practices of the counseling profession. Screening teachers suitable for this specialized duty is just a first step. Ongoing training and supervision is essential. Making time for this is problematic in schools, where finding a moment to breathe is a challenge.
Still, it’s the only way for teachers to maintain healthy boundaries. This is costly, but the cost of not doing so has become all-too-clear.
It goes without saying that sexual predators – whether adults or students – are anathema on campus. The counseling model dispels the myth of the sexually precocious adolescent seducing the faculty member. Seen in this light, that is little more than a spin on blaming rape victims for inviting their attacks. When any adult crosses this line in any school, they are by definition abusers. Period.
What about addressing student-on-student sexual assault?
In the “Old School” model, ad hoc responses by even well-intentioned adults are at best problematic in terms of policy and process. At worst, they can be deeply destructive, as recent revelations demonstrate.
Since, Exeter has announced wide-ranging investments to remedy the situation. Added specialized staff, extensive retraining of faculty plus new initiatives for students demonstrate a desire for change. But to be truly effective, a fresh attitude and understanding has to take root, a new culture.
How will we know that real change is underway? What must go along with this is perhaps the most difficult – a fearless, frank accounting for transgressions both past and present, regardless of cost. This is more than just justice for bad actors. Those who covered for them, too – some at the highest level – must be held accountable. That is what is required for authentic truth and reconciliation for those afflicted, some waiting decades for this moment of truth.
Forthright honesty and embracing the counseling model for student/teacher relations goes beyond ending abuses. These are moral institutions. Restoring their moral integrity is paramount. They can demonstrate what it means to truly right wrongs. This provides a life lesson for the future leaders they hope to educate.
What better learning to tackle the seemingly insurmountable challenges their generation face? Through this, they are best prepared for what Exeter’s original mission statement calls “the great end, and real business of living.”
(Carl Lindemann served as assistant school minister/instructor of religion at Phillips Exeter Academy from 1991 to 1993. He lives in Austin, Texas, and is currently writing a memoir about his adventures in ministry.)