It has been a long while since I have found myself able to write clear and coherent thoughts about the chaotic and contentious times we are experiencing. The voice that has been persistent, however, is that of one of my mentors, Vivian Paley, a retired kindergarten teacher in Chicago.

One of my favorite books by Paley is You Can’t Say You Can’t Play.

Having worked with young children for many years, I have seen this “rule” in action many times. Children want to be accepted and included. Children need to be guided and supported in their quest to belong. We all do.

The developmental window for empathy is 18 to 24 months. At this very young age children begin to see themselves as separate beings from others. They are learning to talk and walk. They respond to the crying of others. This is the prime moment to foster compassion and empathy. The building blocks of conflict resolution are laid down at this early age.

Paley is the first to say this is not easy. She enlists children of all ages to wrestle with the fairness and moral compass of this concept. When we are told we can’t be part of the play, we need to figure it out. All must be included, accommodated and integrated. We must find within ourselves the humanness that connects us.

The question is, is there room at the table for everyone? Is it really possible to include everyone?

Observing young children at play gives me hope. The skills to create inclusion are expressed early. The drive to be part of the game is strong.

I am a gardener. Even as I pull unwanted weeds from my gardens I struggle with this belief that each of us is a vital piece of the whole garden. Mulching and composting gives my weeds a place to serve. They have a very important place to preserve and promote growth.

We have been struggling with several invasive species in our gardens and woods. In our more than 40 years on this property we have seen some extreme changes in plant habits. The warmer climate (yes, the changing climate) now provides a perfect growing condition for these new invaders. However, just this year we have begun to look at these plants in a different light. They are thriving. Can we integrate them and encourage their growth in this newly evolving ecosystem? We will never eliminate them. The challenge is to embrace them.

Now I am struggling to carry this message of inclusion to my daily dose of bad news and worse news, chaos and conflict that surrounds us and our children.

Once again I turn to the unfettered wisdom expressed and exhibited by young children. We must continue to observe and protect their play and remember to say, “You can’t say you can’t play.” No bullying! No ranking! No fighting on our playgrounds, in our homes and in our schools and in our democracy.

May we continue to listen to the other. May we extend the welcome to all who want to play.

(Susan Koerber, 73, lives in Dunbarton at Chanticleer Gardens.)