Every day many people join a club that no one wants to belong to. That club is the Suicide Survivors club, which refers to the friends and loved ones left behind by a person who is successful in their suicide attempt.
In the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why, a group of high school students and the family of one of their classmates joins the club through the suicide of Hannah Baker, the focus of the show.
I started to watch this series after it was brought to my attention by some friends and some postings I saw about it on social media.
As a pediatrician I feel it’s my responsibility to look at and try to understand any item that may be affecting my patients and their families. Navigating a series such as this with one’s children is certainly something that delivers a strong impact on all.
The series is talking about a very difficult situation and, many times, in very graphic ways. So you may think I’m going to say this is not something to watch, but there you are wrong. I feel that certain groups have a lot to learn from a series such as this and that the graphic nature and “shock” effect may really drive the problem of suicide home. However, there is a definite age group that this should not be shown to. I believe it is best shared with mature teens and adults – and by mature I mean 15 to 16 years old and up. I also believe that it should be watched with parents and should lead to some discussions of some very important issues that young people should never have to navigate alone.
Part of the issue with suicide is that the person feels isolated, hopeless and empty. Those feelings are classified as depression and often it takes only a caring person in their life to help. The problem is many suicidal people keep their pain to themselves as is shown very dramatically in this series. As we mature and go through many of life’s tragedies and joys, we start to realize that things usually get better even at our lowest points. Young people do not have this life experience to help them realize they can go on and sometimes the feelings can be overwhelming and they don’t see the “light beyond the tunnel.”
13 Reasons Why delves into many issues that occur in a teen’s life, whether the adults want to acknowledge it or not. The first issue centers around bullying by “slut shaming” that starts with the use of social media through cell phone texts. Almost every teen will tell you that this occurs frequently in their social groups. It further explores sexual abuse at the hands of a young sexual predator. This then leads to social isolation for the young lady involved, which leads to her pulling even further away from those who might befriend her.
I have heard that the parents involved in the series are not caring toward their teens. I didn’t feel that was the case, but I did see that they accepted their teens’ responses that everything was okay even when it clearly wasn’t. The guidance counselor at the school, while well-meaning, also seems at a loss for what to do to help the teens affected by all the issues of bullying in this particular school. Family stresses also weigh heavily on the teens involved and make them more reluctant to “burden” their families with their problems.
So who do I think should be watching this series other than mature teens? I feel that this series would help all of us who work with teens to understand how complicated their lives are and how good they can be at hiding their pain from those of us who want to help them the most.
So parents, doctors, nurses, counselors, teachers, religious leaders and all adults who work with tweens and teens would be wise to watch this series to see whether it can help them look at adolescent issues more closely.
Also, the next time your physician hands your child a depression and anxiety screening sheet, don’t think it’s a waste of time and that your child will not answer any of the questions positively. I can tell you from my own experience that it has helped me identify some severely depressed and anxious teens who looked on the outside like everything was great.
After filling out the form they broke down in tears and started to talk about all the pressures they were under from school, family, sports, friends and other activities. Make sure to talk to your teens and actually listen. If they change their friends in a way that is not positive, stop activities they used to like, isolate themselves in their rooms or start doing poorly in school, these are your indications that something is wrong.
Don’t be afraid to open the discussion or bring them in for a medical/psychiatric evaluation. I just read in a pediatric post that teen suicide in girls is up 30 percent in the recent year. This is something that we must address – and now.
There are many resources and one of the best is NAMI ( the National Alliance on Mental Illness) and there is a local chapter in New Hampshire. Reach out for help. And teens, please reach out to adults who can help you.
We all need to be part of the discussion and the solution.
(Dr. Patricia Edwards of Bow is a pediatrician and president of Concord Pediatrics in Concord.)