There is a wealth of reasons to listen to NPR. Among them are the network’s unparalleled stable of correspondents stationed around the globe. And its detailed coverage of vital subjects – the problems faced by military veterans that are being ignored by the Pentagon decision-makers, for example, or the shocking dependency of some municipal budgets on large fines for minor housing violations. There is its blessed absence of car and beer commercials.
Above all, there is its admirable determination to bring us all the latest hedgehog news.
Just this week we were told by NPR’s fearless reporters that the CDC has issued a major alert: Do not kiss or cuddle your hedgehog! You may get salmonella – or worse.
Hedgehogs – not native to this continent – have become popular pets in some American pet circles. They are, photos indicate, adorable little critters. And, as we all know, pet-happy people love to cuddle and kiss their adorable little critters. (As a pet-happy person, I do not write in criticism.)
In the case of hedgehogs, though, this is not a good idea, according to the CDC. Because these particular adorable little critters can carry salmonella – and have done so, leading to a multi-state outbreak of the disease, sickening at least 11 people so far.
And this is not the only hedgehog news in the last year. Avid NPR listeners will perhaps remember last June’s story of Arbuckle, a hedgehog brought to a Scottish animal rescue center. He had to be brought in because he could hardly walk in – or walk at all.
It seems Arbuckle weighed about five pounds, four times normal hedgehog weight. He was “about the size of a soccer ball,” the BBC reported. Arbuckle was immediately put on a strict diet and exercise regime.
See? There’s a lot of interesting news out there, some of which is completely unrelated to the goings-on in our nation’s capital.
Take chicken nuggets – or perhaps don’t take chicken nuggets, according to more news from the ever-helpful CDC. I’d not really given chicken nuggets much serious thought other than to assume that they are, indeed, chicken.
Now, thanks to intensive research into chicken nuggets, I learn that there is a plethora of shapes, including letters, rings, stars, spheres, bells, hearts, boots and – my favorites, or they would be if I ate chicken nuggets – dinosaurs.
And not all chicken nuggets – whatever their shape – are necessarily chicken, or at least all chicken. Apparently not long ago thousands of bags of frozen nuggets were recalled because they had a non-chicken ingredient. Wood. This week thousands more bags were stripped from store freezers. In these, the chicken nuggets were augmented by rubber. Yes, rubber.
Modern American food production is truly a wondrous thing.
And more than chicken was in this week’s news. The headline one day last week – well, not really a headline, more of a “by the way” note at the end of the news – was that one Howard Schultz was likely to run for president. Uh, who?
Schultz apparently is a billionaire who made his money with Starbucks, selling expensive coffee and priceless attitude. He announced he was a lifelong Democrat, couldn’t stand the idea of four more years of Donald Trump and was going to do something about it.
So he savagely attacked the Democratic candidates who’d already entered the race and proclaimed that he was going to spend a fortune running for president as an independent, thus likely handing the election to said Trump.
Just what the country needs: Another billionaire with a colossal ego, no experience in elective office or government generally, and unlimited – plus unwarranted – confidence. We can only hope his overweening vanity causes a stampede to Dunkin’ and its vastly superior coffee.
Speaking of the original billionaire with a colossal ego and unlimited and unwarranted confidence, it was amazing to see our current president turn on the heads of this country’s intelligence agencies – people he appointed.
They – professionals drawing on lifetimes of experience in intelligence service – testified before Congress, before a bank of cameras and microphones, recording every second of the encounter for posterity. And they gently contradicted many of the president’s cockeyed theories of international relations.
In high dudgeon, Trump suggested they – remember, his own appointees – were “passive and naïve,” said “they are wrong” and suggested they “go back to school.” Apparently “go to the videotape” is not operative in Trump World.
A few days later, after meeting with said intelligence professionals, the president reversed course and said that – no matter what we think we’d all seen – the intelligence gurus had been “misquoted” and “taken out of context.” All was forgiven.
There’s an oft-repeated expression, sometimes attributed to Groucho or Chico Marx: Who you gonna believe, me or your own lying eyes? I guess we now know the answer, at least in this White House.
If it’s all too confusing, don’t worry. Just grab a bowl of chicken nuggets – I’m sure someone is hawking football-shaped ones – and settle down to watch the Super Bowl. And remember, if a hedgehog shows up, don’t kiss it.
(“Monitor” columnist Katy Burns lives in Bow.)