In a recent conversation with a dear friend, who is also a Donald Trump supporter, I made the remark that her contribution to the country and the community surpassed the president’s. She became immediately defensive and upset, implying that I didn’t know what I was talking about.
The conversation that followed was almost surreal as she later made purposely false statements in an effort to put the past and present actions of Trump in the best possible light (no easy task, in my opinion).
The discussion was ended when I apologized for upsetting her, the last thing that I wanted out of that conversation.
The entire incident made me stop and think about where we are as a community and, for that matter, as a country. We’ve reached the point where we can’t discuss important issues of our times without upsetting each other. Forty percent of the country supports Trump fervently, while the other 60% can’t stand him. Ninety percent of the country would like to see a ban on assault-type weapons, while 10% see them as a constitutional right.
Similar comparisons could be made about other issues, such as abortion and health care.
So how do we resolve these important issues of our times if we can’t talk to each other about it?
One “solution” is to force a single issue through government action, such as loading the Supreme Court with anti-abortion idealists as was done recently with judges Brett Kavanagh and Neil Gorsuch.
Another “solution” is to simply avoid discussion altogether, as Sen. Mitch McConnell has been doing in the U.S. Senate.
These so-called solutions are acts of absolutism: a “winner takes all” approach to the most important topics of our time. Such an approach bypasses discussion and understanding, leading to emotions of pain, anger and usually more intense conflict. It is a totalitarian response in a democratic society. It is, in fact, undermining our democratic way of life.
We need to move beyond absolutism. We live in a world where it is easier than ever to communicate with each other and engage with people from all over the globe about ideas. But instead of broadening our perspectives, it seems to have had the opposite effect of entrenching our opinions into increasingly narrow views.
We may be able to communicate with others in more mediums than ever before, but we find ourselves paying even less attention to information that doesn’t confirm our preconceived opinions of the world.
It’s too easy to dismiss news and opinions that we don’t agree with as “false news” despite the fact that there are neutral or nonpartisan “fact checkers” as resources available.
So how do we overcome absolutism? I believe it starts right here in our own community, our own circle of friends, and with each and every one of us. The very fact that we live in an imperfect world and an imperfect society should alert us to the idea that our beliefs and opinions should be open to new information and possible change.
When a neighbor or friend enters a discussion about a controversial topic, take the time to truly listen. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t have to dismiss them, either. Look for areas of compromise and agreement. There is always something about any topic that opens room for some sort of compromise.
Nothing in this world is absolute. We live in a state where even the granite cliffs that once formed the profile of the “Old Man of the Mountain” have changed. If that can happen, then surely we mere mortals can find “common ground” with each other as well.
(Dr. James Fieseher lives in Dover.)