When it comes to getting people to talk about their own mortality, Kristine Green knows the timing all too well.
“For a lot of people it’s always too soon, always too soon – until it’s too late,” she said.
Green, an RN, is the chief hospice officer of Granite Visiting Nurse Association. She will be part of the group hosting “Death Over Dinner,” a discussion with small groups over the dinner table about the one topic that most groups, small or large, are reluctant to discuss.
“The idea is getting people to feel more comfortable having the conversation,” she said. “What more intimate place is there to talk about intimate things than around a dinner plate?”
Death Over Dinner is part of a trend that has been around for some years, with organized conversations carrying names like Death Cafe or Dying To Talk. Granite VNA has held similar events in the past and they remain popular: Death over Dinner, being held Wednesday, April 26, at the Celebration of Life Center at Bennett Funeral Home in Concord, is already booked up.
Green said she and other members of Granite VNA’s end-of-life team “gently guide conversations as needed, but that there was no telling what people would want to discuss because death is a topic that can be approached from many directions.
“We want to make it less of a taboo subject,” she said.
Conversations can be prosaic (how to avoid probate court) or spiritual (thoughts about the afterlife) or philosophical (what do you want to be remembered for?) or light-hearted (if you knew you would die tomorrow, what music would you play today?).
The discussion can also vary depending on whether the speaker is concerned about their own mortality or about dealing with the death of a loved one. “Everyone’s story is uniquely their own. What resonates with one person may not with someone else.”
Hospice care focuses on the comfort and care of people nearing the end of life. It is a program that can be covered by Medicare with patients usually referred by a doctor or other health-care provider when they have a prognosis of 6 months or less to live.
Granite VNA hospice teams can consist of a nurse, social worker and volunteer as the situation requires, and they all have plenty of experience with people’s reluctance to think about death.
“You have to plant a seed sometimes. … We often approach a person who doesn’t want to plan their funeral and say, ‘This is something your family won’t want to deal with.’” she said.
Merely calling in hospice can be a struggle sometimes. “A lot of people think ‘If I sign on to hospice then I’m done and you’re giving up on me.’”
No matter where it goes, conversations can help people have the ending that they desire.
“80% of people say they want to die at home but only 20% of people actually do. Why is that?” Green said. “We need more death literacy, people thinking more about their own end of life.”
