Today’s trying times are causing many to lose hope. We find ourselves losing trust in each other as our nation becomes increasingly divided. At the same time, we are facing heretofore unimaginable threats from climate change, artificial intelligence and an out-of-control president, seemingly intent on igniting Armageddon.
My spirituality usually keeps me grounded, confident that I am not an isolated atom but an essential thread in an ever-evolving, animate universe. As part of that whole, most of my fellow inhabitants of our little blue planet accept uncertainty as a fundamental part of life. Animals, for instance, know that at any instant, they could suddenly be taloned by a hawk or eaten by a fox. We humans, on the other hand, are sometimes too smart for our own good, believing we can outwit uncertainty by constructing a safe, risk-free life for ourselves.
But, sadly, we can’t.
Life involves constant change, and attempting to cling to stability — the way we want things to be — only increases our suffering. To keep reminding myself of that, I’ve found Buddhism and existential psychology to be a big help. Both emphasize that life is ever-changing and that clinging to stability in such a world only adds to our discomposure.
The Buddha understood this fundamental truth. Because one never knows for sure what will happen in the next moment, it’s important to live fully in the only thing that is truly real: the present. Our suffering intensifies when we futilely try to predict what the next moment may bring.
When I notice myself getting anxious, I take a few slow, deep breaths, inhaling up through my abdomen, staying grounded in my body, concentrating on the sensation of air flowing in and out of my nostrils. I cherish this special moment, being in the now: It’s all I will ever have.
In existential psychology, I find a related discipline. Like Buddhism, it emphasizes meditating on or facing the inevitability of death in order to live more fully in the present. As Faith Hill noted in Atlantic Magazine, existential therapy has roots that go back to Jean-Paul Sartre, who summed up his philosophy by saying that humans are “condemned to be free.”
“Unlike other animals, humans are conscious and aware of their own mortality — but that means they have the possibility, and responsibility, of deciding in each moment what to do and how to be.”
Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the Holocaust, points out in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” that while we cannot avoid suffering, we can choose how to cope with it. He emphasizes the importance of focusing on the present — specifically, taking responsibility for the current moment rather than dwelling on the past or fearing the future.
As an example of that, Hill writes about how, during her existential therapy session, her therapist would occasionally “stop and ask what I was feeling in that moment.” In my own life, I do the same.
Often, I’ll find I’m ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. If so, I try to jolt myself back to the present moment because, in the words of Hill’s therapist, “you have a responsibility to show up to your life. You can’t avoid it, in all its pain and beauty, by living in the past” or by anticipating the future.
Here’s what I do to keep myself sane: I try to ease my load through life by being kind, fulfilling my obligations, and helping those less fortunate than I, while striving to acknowledge each joy or sorrow I feel in the moment.
And I don’t watch much news!
I check in on the news in the morning from the Concord Monitor, the New York Times and the Guardian. Then I let it go because the graphic images of suffering on TV news are too much for me to bear.
In summary, never give up: If we look back on our lives, we can all find examples of really good things happening on what we thought was going to be a very bad day.
Jean Stimmell, retired stone mason and psychotherapist, lives in Northwood and blogs at jstim.substack.com.