Super-Soaker hero for hire
I was so disappointed to learn that Trump’s $1.776-billion Anti-Weaponization bill got 86’d. Oops … I mean squashed. It would’ve made each of the Jan. 6 insurrectionists who attacked the U.S. Capitol eligible for up to a $1-million reward for their patriotic efforts.
Well, that sure put the kibosh on my plans. Heck, I figured if they could get $1 million for Jan. 6, attacking the State House on July 4 has to be worth $100,000.
And wouldn’t you know the bad news came in just after I had picked up my cape and leotards from the dry cleaners. Dressed to the nines, a firm grip on my fully loaded Super-Soaker, a giant SS emblazoned on my chest. Goggles and a beanie cap with a propeller on top, I would storm the seat of New Hampshire government, racing through the Memorial Arch, sprinting past Franklin Pierce, General Stark, Daniel Webster and Senator John Parker Hale. Yes Lord, egged on by the foraging grey squirrels in the State House yard, I would climb up those historic front steps bellowing my Rebel Yell: “Look out, Kelly, here I come!”
If anyone needs to rent a Super-Soaker patriot hero for their Fourth of July party, please get in touch.