Lori Desmarais stepped into the Zoo Health Club at Steeplegate Mall for the first time in several years.
She was not there to meet her fitness goals.
She was there to make sure the parking lot would be cleared and ready: The oak tree near where her daughter died was going to come down.
Six years ago, Desmarais’ 21-year-old daughter, Zoe Desmarais, was shot and killed by her boyfriend, 22-year-old Alexander Thorne, outside the mall. Thorne then turned the gun on himself. The couple had just left the gym before the shooting.
“There isn’t a day that goes by that she’s not on my mind,” Desmarais said, recalling the night police came to her Dunbarton home and asked her to follow them to Concord Hospital. “You don’t heal.”
In the years since her daughter’s death, revisiting the tree near has brought Desmarais comfort.
Whenever Desmarais would drive into Concord, whether she needed groceries or a quick bite to eat, she always ended up in the same place. Her car would roll into the Steeplegate Mall parking lot and stop outside the Zoo Health Club. She would sit there, her gaze fixed on a pin oak tree just beyond the gym doors.
“This is where I felt at peace,” Desmarais said softly. “I come here, not bother anybody and just sit here.”
When she heard that Steeplegate Mall was going to be demolished, she decided she didn’t want the tree — the last place her daughter had been — to disappear with it.
Mike Dion, Desmarais’s cousin, worked for months coordinating with the mall’s owners and contractors to ensure the tree came down before the demolition so Desmarais could preserve the wood and create something out of it.
“Anything that my wife and I can do to help her with this tragedy, I would want to help her with it,” said Dion. “I can’t imagine, and I hope I never have to imagine, what she’s gone through.”
As the workers pulled up in their truck and started sawing the branches of the tree, she stood there with her family talking about Zoe. Several people going to the gym walked by without a clue of how much that tree meant to Desmarais.
Every now and then, a memory of her daughter would come to Desmarais’s mind and her eyes would get misty.
Zoe had loved being outside and possessed a quick wit that sometimes made her mother laugh and pause to think at the same time. She had a love for math that lit her up.
She and Alex had been dating for six years. He spent much of his time at the Desmarais home and became a familiar presence in the family’s life. He was the first friend Desmarais’s son, Zac, made after the family moved to Dunbarton.
Their two families have known each other for over 20 years, and Desmarais is still close with Alex’s mom, Cherri Thorne, even after their children’s tragic deaths.
Living just four miles apart, the mothers often meet for coffee, sharing memories of their children and the tragedy that forever changed their lives.
“We’re bonded for life. We lost our kids,” Desmarais said, though she acknowledged that the grief each mother carries is different.
By definition, Zoe’s death was an act of domestic violence. Desmarais believes that an untreated mental illness — Alex’s bipolar disorder — played a role in what happened. In the weeks leading up to their deaths, Alex’s mood had started to change.
Desmarais, who has seen bipolar disorder affect her own family, recognized the signs.
“He took my daughter’s life. I haven’t forgiven him for that,” said Desmarais, as she looked down at a badge pinned to her shirt, a photo of Zoe and Alex from a photo shoot with tears streaming down her face. “But it doesn’t mean that I didn’t love him. He was like another son. I miss them both.”
Desmarais is not yet sure what the tree will become, but she thinks it could be crafted into a bench, Christmas tree ornaments or even a game that Zoe loved to play, like Rummikub.
“Something good is going to be made from it,” she said.
If you need help
National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: If you or someone you know needs support now, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.
NH Rapid Response Access Point: If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health and/or substance use crisis, call/text 1-833-710-6477 to speak to trained clinical staff.