A stethoscope, a ceremony and the enduring gift of life

By RAY DUCKLER

Monitor columnist

Published: 04-13-2023 5:35 PM

It was Mother’s Day last year when Michele Decoteau of Mason brought a stethoscope to a park in Nashua.

She wanted to hear a heartbeat. A particular heartbeat. The one that once pumped inside her son, Daniel, before a motor vehicle accident left him with a traumatic brain injury. He died on Aug. 6, 2021, at the age of 39.

Before Daniel passed, however, his family made a decision that gave life to a stranger from Marblehead, Mass., who is alive today because of Daniel’s heart. The man, Gary Swain, brought pink roses to the park for Decoteau, thanking her for choosing to donate her son’s organs.

“We were making life-saving decisions for a potential transplant recipient,” Decoteau said. “We decided that Dan was compassionate, kind, caring, empathetic and selfless, whose organ donation would have been his choice. Dan would be a hero and donate life.”

The Decoteau family’s story – of unimaginable grief and hope for the future – took center stage at the Governor’s Office this week, part of Organ Donation Month. “Check the box,” placards were everywhere in the Governor’s Chambers, referring to the organ donor box on drivers’ licenses that provides the opportunity to become a donor through the Department of Motor Vehicles.

The DMV and the New England Donor Service sponsored the event, explaining how vital organ donation can be. Swain knows better than most. He was the recipient of Daniel’s heart and now enjoys a normal life, just 20 months after surgery. He sounded strong when interviewed over the phone.

“I’m alive thanks to a decision that Michele and her family made,” Swain said. “This is quite a story.”

An adventurer,then tragedy

Daniel, who lived in Milford, was 39 and had two kids when he suffered a traumatic brain injury on Aug. 4, 2021. At exactly “11:16 p.m.” Michele pointed out. She said he was taking his nightly spin on his motorized skateboard when he crashed and hit his head.

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“We were told,” Michele said,” that it was bad and he probably would not survive.”

That was a sharp contrast to how Daniel lived. He played soccer at Souhegan High School and later coached youth soccer, as well as his own children. He served a year in Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom. He went to college in Montana, where his daredevil, free-form style of living matured and helped define who he was.

“An adventurous outdoorsman,” Michele said.

He skydived 26 times in Utah with his frat brothers, Michele recalled. When it was cold, he skied and ice climbed. He’d trade his boots for sandals when he fished off the coast of Key West. He traveled internationally with one sister, Nikki, and went to concerts with his other sister, Crystal.

Daniel had also been promoted shortly before his death, advancing to the role of director of casino operations. “He was very well known in the charitable game world in New Hampshire,” Michele said. “So many knew Dan and they came to his celebration.”

Hard, surprisingdecisions

The Decoteau family, already devastated when told that Daniel’s brain was working at just 10 percent capacity and all hope was gone, was then approached by a representative of New England Donor Services, who asked if they’d agree to donate Daniel’s organs and tissue, saving other lives.

They were startled by the request. Plus, Daniel was dying. The family had to make a decision, fast.

“We never talked about it as a family beforehand,” Michele said, referring to the life-giving wonders of organ transplants. “It was now our family’s responsibility to make this important decision for Dan.”

Officials at the gathering this week said Daniel had already saved four lives, and 39 other patients have benefited in some way through all his donations: cells, corneas, tissue, bone samples, heart and both kidneys.

“This was very emotional,” said Michele, who sniffled now and then but never lost her composure. “But by promoting, I am doing something that is honoring Dan.”

Added Swain, “It’s not often the donor and recipient end up meeting.”

This time, though, they did. Both parties were curious. So one year ago, after Swain had sent a hand-blown glass heart to Michele, they chose to meet at Greeley Park in Nashua. Swain told Michele that she’d know where to find him.

“Picnic tables went up,” Swain said. “Flowers, food and photo albums went up. We went up to each other and hugged. It’s like family now. Her son is living on through me.”

Swain brought flowers last Mother’s Day. Michele a stethoscope. She wanted to know that the beat goes on.

“We talked to him and his wife for three hours,” Michele said. “He allowed me to listen to his heart beating in his chest. It was amazing. It brought me a sense of peace. It was a joyful day.”

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