In early July, Betsy Davis emailed her closest friends and relatives to invite them to a two-day party, telling them: “These circumstances are unlike any party you have attended before, requiring emotional stamina, centeredness and openness.”
And just one rule: No crying in front of her.
The 41-year-old artist with ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s disease, held the gathering to say goodbye before becoming one of the first Californians to take a lethal dose of drugs under the state’s new doctor-assisted suicide law for the terminally ill.
“For me and everyone who was invited, it was very challenging to consider, but there was no question that we would be there for her,” said Niels Alpert, a cinematographer from New York City.
“The idea to go and spend a beautiful weekend that culminates in their suicide – that is not a normal everyday occurrence. In the background of the lovely fun, smiles and laughter that we had was the knowledge of what was coming.”
More than 30 people came to the party at a home with a wraparound porch in the picturesque Southern California mountain town of Ojai.
There were cocktails, pizza from her favorite local joint, and a screening in her room of one of her favorite movies.
As the weekend ended, her friends kissed her goodbye, gathered for a photo and left, and Davis was wheeled out to a canopy bed on a hillside, where she took a combination of morphine, pentobarbital and chloral hydrate prescribed by her doctor.
Kelly Davis said she loved her sister’s idea for the gathering.
“It’s still hard for me,” Davis said. “The worst was needing to leave the room every now and then, because I would get choked up. But people got it. They understood how much she was suffering and that she was fine with her decision. They respected that.”
Davis took her life a little over a month after a California law giving the option to the terminally ill went into effect. Four other states allow doctor-assisted suicide, with Oregon becoming the first in 1997.
Opponents of the law warn it could become a way out for people who are uninsured or fearful of high medical bills.
Marilyn Golden of the Disability Rights Education & Defense Fund, said her heart goes out to anyone dealing with a terminal illness, but “there are still millions of people in California threatened by the danger of this law.”
The painter and performance artist could no longer stand, brush her teeth or scratch an itch. Her caretakers had to translate her slurred speech for others.
During the party, Davis rolled in and out of the rooms in her electric wheelchair and onto the porch, talking with her guests.
Guests were invited to take a “Betsy souvenir” – a painting, beauty product or other memento. Her sister explained each one’s significance.
Davis took the drugs with her caretaker, her doctor, her massage therapist and her sister by her side. Four hours later, she died.
“What Betsy did gave her the most beautiful death that any person could ever wish for,” Alpert said. “By taking charge, she turned her departure into a work of art.”