Patriots Mailbag: Does water elevate testosterone (and other Alex Guerrero questions)?
8/24/2018 2:54:26 PM
Julian Edelman will be suspended four games at the start of this season.
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — Occasionally, in the course of generating thousands of headlines per hour, a Patriots beat reporter runs out of ideas. It i...
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Patriots spoil otherwise fun Lane Johnson Day
8/17/2018 12:22:37 AM
Eagles tackle Lane Johnson, having the time of his life.
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — An otherwise festive Lane Johnson Day was less fun than anticipated for the honoree as his Philadelphia Eagles dropped a p...
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How Patriots backup Brian Hoyer became the winningest QB in Browns history
8/15/2018 11:17:32 AM
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — In 1999, the NFL launched an expansion franchise in Cleveland, called it the “Browns” and began pretending it was the same organization that won the 1964 NFL Championship with Jim Brown, fired Bill Belich...
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Belichick foolishly denies Brady reps in genius move to preserve QB
8/10/2018 12:02:34 AM
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — Bill Belichick foolishly denied Tom Brady much-needed reps in the Patriots preseason opener on Wednesday in a wise move to preserve his quarterback for the regular season.
...
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Patriots mathematically eliminated from regular season
7/26/2018 11:49:38 AM
Patriots head coach Bill Belichick.
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — Due to a fun deficiency, the acquisition of players you haven’t heard of, and the failure to make a quarterly accounting of Malcolm Butler&...
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TB12, Alex Guerrero implicated in thing that hasn’t happened yet
6/7/2018 11:02:55 PM
Image screencapped from the TB12 Sports web site, a place where they never shut up about drinking water.
According to reports, it’s totally fair to suspect the involvement of Tom Brady’s business, TB12 Sports, and his trainer, Alex Guerrero, of s...
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Patriots have successfully laundered compensation from the Garoppolo trade
5/6/2018 1:22:24 PM
Patriots Director of Player Personnel Nick Caserio on Day 2 of the NFL Draft shortly after the Pats executed a series of moves that made the Jimmy Garoppolo trade untraceable.
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — A forensic investigation of the 2018 NFL Draft has revealed that the New England Patriots s...
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Only two Patriots have officially committed to play this season
4/26/2018 3:14:38 PM
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — According to reports from ESPN’s Adam Schefter, only two players have officially committed to play for the New England Patriots this season as the team heads into the 2018 NFL Draft on Thursday.
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Super Bowl LII: Stupid Eagles ruin everything
2/4/2018 11:25:39 PM
MINNEAPOLIS — The stupid Philadelphia Eagles ruined everything on Sunday, turning in a stellar performance in what may be the greatest football game ever played, to win Super Bowl LII over the Patriots, 41-33.
If not for the relentless and gutsy performance by the Eagles, ...
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Genius country hates the Patriots
2/2/2018 6:59:14 PM
Genius Americans crowd into mall to watch football guys talk about football.
BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — According to sources reporting from everywhere, the entire genius country that is the United States of America totally hates the New England Patriots and would rather see another team in ...
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With accusations against Patriots, John Tomase confirms reality is upside down
1/30/2018 6:43:22 PM
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — Without any direct knowledge or evidence, WEEI reporter and radio personality John Tomase identified five specific members of the New England Patriots as PED users in a radio broadcast last Thursday, then suffered no repercussions for his irresponsible cla...
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How the Patriots could’ve kept Brady, Jimmy G, Chandler Jones and Jamie Collins while signing Drew Brees
1/23/2018 2:33:48 PM
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — In a season characterized entirely by tensions over Alex Guerrero and the Jimmy Garoppolo trade, the sad shame is that the New England Patriots easily could’ve solved the latter of ...
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